Vote BubbRubb/Lil Sis '08

what? you think i'm fucking kidding? why not turn 2008 into Cali's recall election? i mean, Bush and Co. have fucked up pretty big, but have we really done our (electoral) worst?

i don't think soooooooo. send in the clowns!

since the upcoming presidential election is already proving to be quite unique (read: ridiculous), why not shove that fist all the way up our collective asses? get it in there nice and deep baby. lose your watch in that shit! we wanna feel your elbow bone and shit.

can you imagine what BubbRubb's first "100 days" would be like? he'd make FDR look like a fucken bow-legged, stuttering kid with Down's Syndrome, a cleft pallet, and a tiny dick! so small. soooo smallll. almost microscopic.

yeah, yeah, i know he really had polio. i'm being sensitive. he was great. yeahyeahyeah. fuck off mom/dad.

back to the matter of the day.

President Rubb's first order of business would surely be installing those bama-ass whistles (shown in the video above) in the tailpipes of all federal vehicles. that gangsta shit!

"it's like an alarm clock!"

exactly!

and promptness and expediency are the keys to success in Washington. or at least in BubbRubb's Washington they will be. because when President Rubb says he needs a new crack stem to replace the one he broke while celebrating hitting 4-5-6 in cee-lo, he means he needs a new crack stem YESTERDAY motherfucker! the dice (and the jones) wait for no man, and shit!

i can just see it now. like Puffy sending that motherfucker to get cheesecake. only this time it's the President of the United States (aka Supreme Optimus Prime H.N.I.C. out this bitch) sending him to Southeast, South Southeast D.C. to cop from my boy Pookie.

he does not have it for cheap, so bring some cash asshole. and get me some while you're down there. can you spot me yo? i know, i know. i'll get you back for this and last week on thursday ok? ok? yo? ok? thanks yo. good look.

the second order of business would of course be to outlaw any and all criticism of the aforementioned bama-ass tailpipe whistles. a crime punishable by death. that's right son, BubbRubb don't play! everybody knows that Totalitarian political systems with Draconian punishment structures are like the most gangsterest shit ever!

you may think i'm fucking around, but this shit is real my friend. from the heart. let's keep it real because i'm keeping it real.

the other day, i told an acquaintance that i'd prefer that Obama didn't win the nomination. she looked at me like i was wearing a white hood and holding a noose in one hand and burning a black baby with a blowtorch with the other.

but i'm used to this kind of idiocy, so.

my rationale, of course, is that given the mess made by the Bushmen, whomever is unlucky enough to take the Oval Office on 1.20.09 is shit outta luck.

they will spend their entire term righting the ship, scraping away the refuse, jettisoning the rotting corpses and stillborn foetuses like so much dead weight.

i'd just prefer that our nation's first Black president wasn't mired in such dirty workbusinessstuff.

it doesn't take a visionary to see that should a Black President's administration suffer from relative 'immobilisme' on account of playing itself out of a hole someone else dug, it would be construed as a failure indicative of that leader's capabilities, as defined by his race. thus, for the remainder of this nation's existence, the White House would remain just that. White.

don't play fucking dumb. you know that's how it works.

so yeah. vote BubbRubb/Lil Sis in 2008. if you love America, that is. you do love America, don't you?

fuck giuliani.

Matt Taibbi is the only reason i still open the free Rolling Stones that get stuffed into my mailbox every couple of weeks.

"Giuliani: Worse Than Bush" touts his cover feature.

it's about fucking time.

i had just communicated to an acquaintance my dismay over the possibility of Giuliani storming the White House, riding the same wave of Middle American terror-fear that helped Bush get re-elected three years ago. not to mention that this is the same asshole who was at the helm during the whole "41 Shots" disaster.

sure, he "cleaned up" New York. made it "safer." but he did so by turning the NYPD into a sort of Republican Guard, quarantining Manhattan and quite literally forcing the "bad elements" that had previously defined the city out towards the outer boroughs.

one of the thesis statements of Taibbi's piece (which can be read HERE) is that Rudy G. is basically shaping his run for presidency in the image of Bush II. which is of course a problem. por ejemplo, he's enlisting the help of some of Karl Rove's top lieutenants in his various endeavors and even buddying up to the sleazeball "Swift-Boat" campaigners that deep-sixed Kerry in 2004.

additionally, Taibbi posits that no one, in terms of monetary, social, and political capital, has profited more from 9/11 than Giuliani. he reports that in 2001, "America's Mayor" reported 7,000 dollars in assets during divorce proceedings. i'll give him the benefit of the doubt, as it's not uncommon for motherfuckers to underclaim that kind of shit to jerk the ex.

ok.

fine.

but the fact that federal election reports declared that Giuliani's net worth hovered at or around 30 million? about as shady as they come. his law firm, his private security firm, his $2 million book deal: all the result of this bizarre, misinformed image of Giuliani as hero.

perhaps most tellingly (and most Bush/Cheney/Rove-esque) is the following paragraph:

"In his years as mayor - and his subsequent career as a lobbyist - Rudy jumped into bed with anyone who could afford a rubber. Saudi Arabia, Rupert Murdoch, tobacco interests, pharmaceutical companies, private prisons, Bechtel, Chevron Texaco - Giuliani took money from them all."

Chevron Texaco? Saudi Arabia? pharmaceutical companies? FUCK YES! all the things that make this country GREAT!

he goes on:

"You could change Rudy's mind literally in the time it took to write a check. A former prosecutor, Giuliani used to call drug dealers 'murderers.' But as a lobbyist he agreed to represent Seisint, a security firm run by former cocaine smuggler Hank Asher. 'I have a great admiration for what he's doing,' Rudy gushed after taking $2 million of Asher's money."

do we really have to wait til 2008 to elect this guy?

of course there's the fact that, like the larger state and federal spheres (both Republican-controlled at the time), the mayor's jurisdiction was totally in the dark intelligence-wise.

furthermore, there is increasing scrutiny in and around New York concerning the rift between FDNY and NYPD that was brought to light during the attacks. built up during the months preceding that day, many analysts and policy makers (on both sides of the line of scrimmage) are saying that this impasse contributed to an incommunique amongst first responders and thus, an increased loss of life that day, particularly concerning the collapse of the towers.

surely, all this is bad news bears for a politician who paints himself as an astute and effective statesman, an enemy of terror and a leader the likes of which the world had never seen. he wrote a book about himself (with help) entitled "Leadership."

you do the math.

but what good is reflecting on the past unless you're going to learn from its mistakes. let's talk about the future.

and what kind of future would that be if, in essence, Bush is elected to a third term. if "America's Mayor" thinks that he can carry on the Us v. Them (terrorists, protestors, logic-driven dissenters and policymakers, the American middle-class), War on Everything mantra of the Bush government, then we really are fucked. i'm talking 9/11 x 1,000. among other similarly terrible things.

but maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves. even Republican analysts are advising GOP candidates to "abandon all hope for victory" and back the most conservative Democratic candidate: Hillary Clinton.

when it rains it pours.

i just think the GOP's desperate, American Idol-esque search for the next Ronald Reagan is just plain pathetic. they thought they had it in Bush II, but that didn't really pan out. pesky big government. Homeland Security and fucked-up Wars on Terror tend to inflate things a bit, i guess.

quite frankly, this Reagan-love is just plain terrible. i say this because so much of it is born of Nixon's "fuck them, what about us" (us, as in the much-maligned Euro-American class) ethos. pretty much an about face on the equalizing progressivism of the '60s. no big deal.

for fuck's sake!

his Alzheimer's-afflicted-ass said that AIDS wouldn't be that big of a problem. and that was when he was witnessing the explosion of the epidemic from the halls of the White House. i don't know about you, but that pretty much disqualifies him from visionary super-pol status in my book.

but maybe this fear of the former(?) King of New York isn't all that irrational. sure, the (neo-)Conservative base hates on him on account of the crossdressing, pro-gay rights, pro-choice, pro-Pope, divorce-crazy lifestyle he's taken up.

but all it takes is a flip flop and he's in the clear on all that noise.

he's got plenty of time to make us forget. and speaking of forgetfulness, if (and when), god forbid, we are attacked again, who better to rush to the fore to claim the spoils of war? turns out that those who do vote are pretty fucking shook, particularly of threats from rogue Islamic/domestic elements.

don't believe me? well i gotta ask you, Doubting Tomas, who's president right now?

that's what i thought. thanks assholes.