welllll... i like sunsets, long walks on the beach, and shooting coke into my penis. makes me feel alive, ya know!?!

i'm growing quite lazy. but i feel like you ought to get to know me better before you use your mouth on me. it would make me feel better. i've been on pins and needles as of late. surely you can understand. i mean, the other day, i went to blow a line, and all i had was a mirror, and i hate using mirrors, for obvious reasons, but i went ahead and used it anyway.

so i came up, bill still in my nose, and there he was. grinning like a fiend, fucking staring up and out at me. only his eyes were gone. just pink coves where they should've been. completely missing. nothing to house his soul.

he's fucking trouble.

i mean it!

real trouble.

i want you to stay away from him ya hear?!

can't seem to shake him loose though. damn this photographic memoreee 'o mine!

sooo... for the sake of familiarity, here are some of my interests and favorite activities, as dictated by a certain social networking site i plan on removing myself from in the near future:

rickenbacker basses,
decapitation,
marcy homes,
quantum physics,
100 years,
thrift shops,
the electoral college,
sweaty wet/dirty damp,
dying before i'm 35 in a blaze of glory and gunfire,
burning myself with cigarettes for drug money,
the DEA,
formula one,
life sentences,
starting and purposely losing fights,
ketamine and other tranquilizers,
string theory,
LPs,
making people feel bad,
illmatic,
japanese cell phones,
bunson burners,
atom heart mother,
krav maga,
near death experiences,
used fender jaguars,
zaireeka,
the presets,
crashing '80s proms,
knife hand chops,
babies with 90 dollar shoes,
light years,
used bookstores,
climate change,
freaking out the squares,
teenagers,
clairvoyence,
alchemy,
mercantilism,
structural collapse,
shitheads,
john bonham,
fucking hairy asian pussy,
twilight zones,
making people look dumb,
lawsuits,
destroying social constructs,
four horsemen of 2012,
killing animals to make jackets out of,
snuff films,
phone booths,
jerking off,
vandalism,
lara flynn boyle,
my fucked up ipod,
pbs and npr,
easy rider,
all dinosaurs,
hollistic medicine,
reebok pumps,
closed hi-hats,
hokusai,
geothermal energy,
contradicting myself,
lasers,
teflon,
gulf coast recovery,
interpol's new album,
missing treble knobs,
capsized ships,
guy fawkes masks,
nigerian black paper scams,
one armed push-ups,
handgun hunting,
DARPA,
real club kids,
air traffic control,
new-rave,
go-karts,
the french touch scene,
dream teams,
chucks,
magic carpets,
jade jagger,
the rapture (both the band and the reckoning)
miles davis,
reckless driving,
dj battles,
videotaping sex without prior consent/permission,
The American Century,
eradicating dirty hippies,
Ableton Live 5,
glass jaws,
embezzlement,
diamond smuggling,
party monster,
the 1968 democratic convention,
atlantis to interzone,
chord charts,
digitalism,
jackie brown,
james brown,
caravaggio's murder charge,
sarkozy,
capitol hill,
christian hosoi,
drift racing,
abbie hoffman,
alienating people,
turbo lag,
the rolling stones,
bald chicks,
photoshop,
beat poets,
zeus,
boozing,
movies featuring talking animals,
anthropomorphism in general,
somnambulatory sexploits,
boy-cut panties,
motogp,
lifetime supplies,
nanotechnology,
delta blues,
dogfighting,
birds,
falsetto,
superman,
fingerfucking,
pinky up, pinky down,
any gibson sg,
the distant, distant future,
manipulating people,
circuit bending,
vulcanology,
no-film photography,
ducatis,
synchronicity,
pitch-bending,
biocomputers,
immortality,
small press publishers,
endangered species poaching/trading,
Guns & Ammo,
pretending i can skate,
the tornados,
actual tornados,
the x-men cartoon on fox,
interesting films made by boring people,
misanthropy,
dorm rooms,
ultra-marathons,
nike montreals,
novelty car horns,
the desert,
small breasts (A-cup aficionado),
"shit jokes but not shit stories,"
pre-oil embargo automobiles,
MicroKorg,
wamp wamp,
the hidden tree of life,
apple,
moon bounce rental,
Baltimore free book thing,
bars i can't get kicked out of,
skipping work,
bashing nerds,
calling 911, just to chat,
arpeggiators and vocoders,
people who fuck prostitutes,
the truth,
keef's tolerance,
aphrodisiacs,
the past,
tiny dogs,
hazing,
spell-check,
poorly maintained machine guns,
beat repeat and eq three,
illegal prescriptions,
jack nicholson,
warrantless misogyny,
your mother,
threatening people,
inconvenient truths,
hyperviolence,
epistemology,
nanofiction,
maritime cannibalism,
existentialism,
harp arpeggios,
hatemail and death threats,
sea changes,
norfolk, virginia,
haldol,
materialism...

now fuck off. get outta here! i'll finish on my own.

old man in a huge balloon bites your hitted hip tenderly.

if japan isn't the greatest country on earth... between this video of "Silent Library," the women, the music, the game shows, Nintendo, Akira Kurosawa, the forgiving spirit following WWII, aibo, the sake, the "theme" clubs, Shinzo Abe, the motorcycle gangs, the motorcycles, PlayStation, the insane population density, mt. fuji, and that festival in Osaka i heard about...

watch the entire video. you won't regret it.

Genesis Does! You-Can't-Do-This-With-Nintendon't! Genesis Does!

The system was the Sega Genesis video game console. The game, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. The year was 1990, the beginning of the end.

the greatest bit of cross media marketing since the saturday night fever soundtrack.

the plot was as follows, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Mr. Big, an insidious drug dealer (which drug we can't be sure, but since it's 1990, let's assume crack), has kidnapped children for no apparent reason. Michael, in an effort to save(?) the children, goes after Mr. Big, and eventually discovers his plot to take over the world using a large laser cannon built on the Moon.

Each level begins with a small comic book-style presentation of the ongoing conflict between Mr. Big and Michael, intending to show a transition from one level's setting to the next. Sadly, however, these cut-scenes do not reveal any additional plot details.

At the conclusion of the game, more of the story is revealed:

"Mr. Big's evil plot has been foiled with the destruction of his deadly doomsday weapon - the gigantic laser cannon. And with his massive fortress reduced to cinders, he is no longer a threat to mankind.

"But what of Michael?

"All that is known is that he was last seen soaring away from the crumbling enemy stronghold, heading toward the distant horizon.

"And the children that he saved?

"Well...

"They're smiling, because deep down in their hearts, they know that Michael will return one day to share with them another wondrous and magical adventure."

The foreshadowing here is uncanny. "another wondrous and magical adventure?" if by this the game's producers meant a number of protracted and highly visible court appearances defending himself against boy-touching charges, then we gotta give em props. they were truly Seers!

"Genesis Does! You-Can't-Do-This-With-Nintendon't!" If you remember the song from the Genesis pre-release commercial, congratulations, you're just as big of a nerd as i am.

i wrote a letter to Sega when i was ten, offering them a product idea that would revolutionize gaming: putting the game cartridges directly into the controller, so you didn't have to get up to change games.

they sent a courteous form letter back, thanking me for my input, letting me down easy, and giving me a free subscription to some video game magazine. i'm pretty tempted to write another letter demanding a remake of this 1990 gem. not sure how well it would work out in '07, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

You Thought I Was Bullshitting?

peep these G'd up unis. combining two of the best things in the whole entire universe: unicorns and transformers. genius. autobots, roll out!