lights are blinding my eyes. uva AND uvb bombarding the windows to my soul, and therefore, bombarding my soul. who says you can't walk and spew fun at the same time? "not i" said the lion. well if it wasn't the lion, then who the fuck was it, huh?! this looks like a job for heary aloisius abernathy. on the case, on your girl. respeck.
when i was maybe five years old, my mother bought me this super mario bros. handheld video game. this was a few years before i'd gotten that good NES, but i was way too young to have a gameboy. so to placate my need to feed (enhanced by asshole older cousins who never let me play mario when i visited), she got me this game. the thing looked and felt like a brick and clamped shut to avoid accidental openings i guess. clamshell setup, like today's gameboy/gamegirl.
my time with it was short, to say the least.
one day, i was sitting there, beasting out in front of the tv with the stronger of the mario twins, climbing up a vine or going down a pipe or some shit like that, when in a fit of excitement, i snapped the game shut in my hands. right on the tip of my dick.
now don't ask how or why my penis was exposed while i was gaming, as i don't really remember myself. i do know, however, that i was five, and around this time in my life, i particularly enjoyed "being free." basically my euphemism for being buck naked at inappropriate times. something i should definitely get back into p.s.
i just remember the game clamping down on me like some kind of super-pincer. fucking my world up. not letting go of my foreskin for a while, and freed only when my embarrassed and visibly upset father came to the rescue. needless to say i never wanted to see that handheld ever again.
anyway, now that you have the image of a naked five year old boy and his wang in your head, enjoy le Daft Punk suckas.
Part Two. Those helmets Daft Punk rock are fucking dope sick! but one has to wonder just how comfy they are. hmmmm... i bet they're super duper comfy. like a motorcycle helmet lined with clouds and babies' dreams. i mean how else could you explain them never really removing them? it must be like sex for your face. i kinda feel like they even wear them when they're banging out their wives/groupies/girlfriends. maybe they get off on "technologic" sex? who knows?
as i don't have the luxury of wearing a full face helmet everywhere i go (especially not during sex; could you imagine the explanation?), i think i'm gonna strike out on my own headgear crusade. what piece of equipment would be worthy of a brave young soul who once went out on the town in a Onesie? you know, the fleece pajamas with the footies that you used to wear back when you couldn't do math problems or even count without using your fingers. god we were fucking dumb back then.
but yeah, being the onesie wearing cavalier, i've decided that it would be right and proper to bring back ski goggles as the facial accessory of choice. and i don't mean in some hipster-chic bullshit scenester way. no. i mean like fucking robbing the corner store style, eating now-or-laters by the case, bringin chaos to blocks like the riots in Watts. Think less Lower East Side, more Wu-Tang "Forever."
if you needed any further evidence of the beauty of youtube, this is it: interstella 5555, in its entirety, albeit divided into parts. but hey, thieves can't be choosers right?
released at the end of '03, this dvd was an animated complement to Daft Punk's astronomical Discovery album (for the dilettantes, it's the one with one more time on it). with pictures by Leiji Matsumoto and sounds by Mssrs. Bangalter and de Homen-Christo, it was nothing short of a masterpiece, detailing the abduction and rescue of an interstellar pop band. it was nothing short of cross-media marketing genius as well, with the DVD/Discovery combo being parlayed into a lucrative vinyl figure racket.
if i were those green cats in the video, i mean if i were abducted (a euphemism of course for getting your ass snatched), i would def develop stockholm syndrome. i mean how could you not? what would bring a human being to the point where he or she dubiously procures another human being the way i dubiously procure a cheap bottle of vodka while the bartender's not looking? they're just so pitiful and helpless, those kidnappers. i thinks they be needin a hug, right quick.
and as for the video, i know what you're thinking. fuck you kasai, i can just go on youtube and watch the entire thing on my own.
but the loose nail gets the hammer my little mogwai, so stay close to me now, lest you be picked off by the laser-eyed werewookies that shoot killer bees from their gnarled fingertips. i'll keep you safe. plus you watch the parts here, and you get to bear witness to my brilliance. oh it just shines ever so brightly now!
i mean have you read fucken youtube comments lately? rubbish! you're better off crashing at my place. why are you looking at me like that? c'mon. c'mon! don't worry, i'm not a creep or anything like that baby. i'm not some creep predator ok?!
or am i? i don't remember things so well since the electro-shock therapy started ramping up.
