Your Job In Germany.

"Whateva Whateva I do what I want, I roll wit 12 gangs whateva! You don't wanna let me shoot here, I'm gonna SUE you! You are so SUED!"
not too long ago, in the post 'What's Beef?' (found HERE), i think i made it pretty clear that if Tom Cruise wasn't stood up to and prohibited from shooting his new biopic Valkyrie, then the terrorists would win.

right.

well it looks like Bin Laden and the boys are at Party City as we speak stocking up for a killer Pizza Party, because Tommy Boy's snaked the system and found another place to play.

good job Deutschland! or should i say Doucheland? yeah, ya like that? i got more when you need 'em munhfucka!

Hey, if it weren't for the good 'ol U.S. of A. in WWII, you'd all be speaking German and junk. so, you know, you're welcome Germany!

a friend of mine once said, you're either with US or against US, and after this SNAFU, it's pretty clear where you Germs stand.

just know this Klaus: you are soooo fucken SUED! omg! I'm gonna SUE you in England!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

what's beef? german defense ministry v. tom cruise/scientology

courtesy of TIME.com:

Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg.

anti-Nazi, German officer. tried to assassinate Hitler in 1944. yeah.

Tom Cruise wants to try his hand at playing Herr von Stauffenberg. tries to get the German Defense Ministry to play along with his make-believe.

stiff-armed.

Cruise: "oh my gosh, why not you guys!?!? is it because i refused to come out of the closet (on South Park)?"

Defense Minister: "no, no Mr. Cruise. it is because you are down with zee Scientology."

if only we weren't so wrapped up in the hollow "freedom" rhetoric of the Constitution and so willing to be the sycophantic lapdogs of celebrities. maybe then we could call our deluded wackos as we see them. we should be so brave. this time, we should think like Germany.

yes.

surely, would-be Hitler assassin von Stauffenberg is granted hero status in this day and age, as modern Germany tries to eradicate their past with the same determination that their forebears tried to eradicate the Jews and other strains of "undesirables."

so we have to be delicate with who portrays our new age hero.

meanwhile...

Cruise is denied permission to play von Stauffenberg/shoot at actual German Ministry locations because, quote, [he] "has publically professed to being a member of the Scientology cult."

cult? strong language Jerry. surely ALL "religions" are cults in their own special ways. but there is something seriously fucked up about a "church" that requires members to spend approx. 16,000 dollars for a "thetan auditing," (a mock evaluation in which members of the "church" determine your "thetan levels," or, how badly your soul is tainted by ancient alien souls. yeah). not to mention the business of quite literally basing your theocratic philosophy on science fiction novels.

at least someone, (matt stone and trey parker aside), has the balls to stand up to these fucks.

also, it prolly didn't help Cruise's cause that his "church" propagates the belief that Germany is [still] controlled by Nazis.

protect ya neck Tommy Boy!

respekt the COCK! and taaaammmme the CUNT!

seduce and destroy!

it's been about four years since i've seen the slice of film heaven that is p.t. anderson's "Magnolia." re-visiting this rousing speech by Frank T.J. Mackey (a character far less deluded than the actor that plays him) has brought me to a realization.

i used to say, "you know, if i end up fucked up, really at the end of my rope, i think i'm just gonna become a crooked cop. kickbacks/bribes, brutality, cozy setups with drug dealers, money trains, sex in exchange for freedom. that kinda shit."

but seeing Mackey in action, i think i'll just go right on ahead and add Chauvinist Motivational Speaker to that list, doubling its size in the process. because quite frankly, as long as there are women, and men that are hopeless to understand/connect/value them, there's a market for this shit.

wish me luck!

p.s. i stumbled upon a pretty serious website that's worth checking out if you're into p.t. anderson's work. link is below.

Cigarettes and Red Vines

these are our heroes?

like mr. costello said, "When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

what is the fucking difference? we are all, at our cores, the same. funda-fucking-mentally identical, with slight variations that give us personality.

it is for this reason that i strongly reject the notion of society's so-called elite. certainly, this isn't a case of hateration. more like the acknowledgement of a simple fact: even the greatest among us is reduced to a sniveling, pants-wetting coward when placed into a dire situation, such as being sodomized with the barrel of a .50 caliber revolver by a madman in a mask.

these are but men.

these are but tiny, insignificant men in a grand, fucked up scheme that they could not hope to comprehend. not with all the time on the clock. not with a billion supercomputers and all the world's nerds.

that's why i hate the term expert. fortunately, the last few years have proven that experts don't know shit, other than that people refer to them as experts and thus they must puff out their chests and wear their glasses low on their noses and look down those noses at non-experts and go to the experts association convention every year in chicago. you get a nifty t-shirt at the end of the weekend.

bullshit.

only a pompous fool would feel comfortable with the label of expert.

but all this pales in comparison to my disdain for the celebrity. oh yes. particularly, the conspicuous, windbag-activist, douchebag celebrity, of which there is no shortage. pretty much everyone except johnny depp and jack nicholson.

but what does it say about the collective, the g.p., when we're all kissing these fucker's shitstained loafers? why should i be privy to what some actor is wearing/thinking/saying/doing/driving/eating/drinking/playing/fucking? they're just living, breathing props. i wholly agree with capote's view that even someone as "talented" as marlon brando was "as dumb as a post." any pathological liar or manic depressive can do this job. i've been told so by aspiring actors.

these people aren't offering us all that much. pretty much like paying for two hours of sex, then going home to our significant others. but we're sure as hell giving them our hides in return. fuck the bunny ranch, i'm talking 200k/hr in some cases.

we fucking love hollywood. we would fuck it in the mouth if we could.

and therein lies the comedy of our fame machine. a nation of dimwitted sycophants nebbishly fawning over the "stars" (and every bit of minutiae regarding their daily lives), then literally busting a nut when they "shockingly" fall from grace (see: Britney Spears). it's literally high school, only more perverse, which i didn't think was possible.

celebrities? experts?

these are our heroes? why not 95% of doctors, teachers, first responders, single parents, or community activists? i say 95% because as with any field, there are definitely hack doctors, teachers, first responders, single parents, and community activists.

i guess the reason lies in the fact that we do fucked-up priorities better than any country this side of the third world.

now fuck off. i'm gonna go watch E