Who Gives A Fuck About An Oxford Comma?

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Fear Is On Our Side. Oh Yes It Is.

I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness - "The Owl"

So which will it be Rextaford?

The Raven? Or The Owl?
The choice is surely yours.
But if we're truly honest,
It's a Simple Question really. With an even simpler answer.
All you've gotta do is look down at your hands.
Now tell us, how haunting have those hands become?
Since you've been here that is.
Oh yes Rextaford, The Hands have it.

Division Day and the kids are all atwitter.



Somewhere in New Mexico, at or around the time of the 2000 U.S. Presidential Election:

Chlamydia test was negative. Doesn't comfort as much as I'd hoped it would.

Joy and Pain, Sunshine and Rain,
Meted out like so much petrified Christmas candy,
Commiserating over Jack and Waters, pounding stale cigarettes and
Dissecting bar-top peanuts with a brass cocktail sword from La Perdrera,
Pretending they're the tiny beige bodies of prisoners of some undeclared yet inevitable war.
Sick, Sick, Sick, So Sick It's... Sick.

She leans in, well close, breath hot with the unmistakable scent of complimentary drinks:
"Not easy to make it through a minefield carrying all the hopes of an entire Boom".

Settles back into that raggedy fucking chair, all warm and smug.
Stares up at the TV, smile wrapped around her straw.
Knows something none of the rest of us seem to.
In for the tempest though. Always has been.

A moment of science,
Then a plunge into those hazel eyes that confirms It,
Once and For All:
It's about who strikes hardest,
Not who strikes first.

"Oh yes," she says, grinning maniacally.
"The Owl and The Raven need each other more than either of them would care to let on."

There Would Be No Public Television!

"The World's Worst Singer"

If there's one thing I heart about Web 2.0, it's how extensive and accessible it's made humiliation. Cheers to that. I'd still fuck though. Just sayin'. Off to the boozah, yeah.

New York's Alright If You Like Tuberculosis.

Fear - New York's Alright If You Like Saxophones (Live On SNL)

"It's great to be here in New Jersey".
Hahahaha. Perfect

"New York's alright,
New York's alright,
New York's alright,
if you like saxophones!

New York's alright if you wanna be pushed in front of the subway!
New York's alright if you like tuberculosis!
New York's alright if you like art and jazz!
New York's alright if you're a homosexual!

New york's alright,
New York's alright,
New York's alright,
if you like saxophones!

New York's alright if you like drunks in your doorway!
New York's alright if you wanna freeze to death!
New York's alright if you wanna get mugged or murdered!
New York's alright if you like saxophones!

New York's alright,
New York's alright,
New York's alright,
if you like saxophones!"

Fucking perfect. Infinitely relatable, so why belabor the point any further?

I'm Gonna Fuck A Spice Girl: Ancillary Involving Anthropomorphic Teeth.

Three 6 Mafia - Sippin' On Some Sizzurp (feat. The Munchers)

In case you're not all that strong at visualizing horrific scenes, this YouTube video more or less sums it up. Though there wasn't any Codeine-infused prescription cough syrup or anthropomorphic teeth involved, the level of madness is about on par with the last six days of my life. I like to picture myself as that bizarre Cavity-Vampire character, if I do say so myself.

As if the track isn't Gothic enough, someone saw fit to make things super sketch and mash it up with this bizarre cartoon. Claymation has always scared the shit out of me, but if I had seen this coming up, I would've gone absolutely apeshit. If parents of the echo boom ever have to wonder why we ended up the way we did (read: all fucked up and real shitty), look no further than shit like this. Have a nice day!

I Wanna Fuck A Spice Girl. No Fuck That... I'm Gonna Fuck A Spice Girl!

I'm not going to make any apologies for being sporadic.  When benders last from one Wednesday night into the following Tuesday night, these things are to be expected.  At a juncture such as this, it becomes necessary to consider how badly you want it. 

Are you able to shake the memory of inadvertently drinking your own urine? Should you apologize for throwing a pint glass at a stranger's head, seemingly unprovoked, at a favorite local boozer? Does it make sense to consult a psychiatrist after hallucinating (in the midst of the aforementioned bender) that you discussed the possibility of a war with Iran with your long dead grandfather? Should you be worried about pneumonia after spending four hours in a broken down SUV with the windows down, cracked out in the financial district, awaiting help? Should you fear retaliation from the number of customers (and proprietors alike) who were utterly offended by your savagery? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Don't worry. Things can only get better. You love it when I'm bad.