"Metallica. Meadowlands. '92. Front Row. Shoulda Seen It Bro. Put My Tongue Down This 16-Year-Old's Trote!"

Bill Hicks doing Bill Hicks.

For you bitchbabies, substitute Debbie Gibson and Tiffany with Hannah Montana and uhhh, I don't know, some other OVERexposed, UNDERaged cunt that every hetero American male secretly wants to humiliate sexually.

Taboo SNAFU!?

It'll be o.k. Maybe you can justify the depravity in your mind with your countdown-to-18 clocks and your fantasies of snorting lines off her back-tat in one of the stalls in the Viper Room, then spitting into her gaping asshole and shooting her a smile that says, I'll always be here for you. When she's 18 of course.

You are no better than me.


There's Always Room On His Broom.

Hmmm... Sit on my lap. Grind on that shit. 2am and rising. Niggas in trouble.

Today, I ate a Baconator value meal, large (three times as gnarly as it sounds)... drank about eight or nine sodas at work (they're free)... smoked half a pack of reds and now I'm drinking skunky, warm beer, trying to pass out. Listening to "Plaster Casts of Everything" on repeat, full volume, won't help with that though, will it? Sleepe wenn ime ded ya herd?! All this and I still look better naked, staring wistfully into a full-length mirror with a raging hard-on, than you do. Munhfuckas can't see me. Big Up the Macey Massive!

I am THE portrait of American Virility!


In Consideration of the Future (Fuck 2009).

"If/when I move in(to a certain local living space that shall remain unnamed), I'm just gonna save up a bit and quit my job, chain-smoke Reds, shadowbox, pound liquor-n-hollywoods, lift weights, blast "Intro" by DMX on a shitty boombox and J my D (in the nude) in the hallways and elevators all day and night".

- Kasai Rex to The Cheeseburger Man no more than 2 seconds ago. Tomorrow.