Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts

2007-05-02

Genesis Does! You-Can't-Do-This-With-Nintendon't! Genesis Does!


The system was the Sega Genesis video game console. The game, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. The year was 1990, the beginning of the end.

the greatest bit of cross media marketing since the saturday night fever soundtrack.

the plot was as follows, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Mr. Big, an insidious drug dealer (which drug we can't be sure, but since it's 1990, let's assume crack), has kidnapped children for no apparent reason. Michael, in an effort to save(?) the children, goes after Mr. Big, and eventually discovers his plot to take over the world using a large laser cannon built on the Moon.

Each level begins with a small comic book-style presentation of the ongoing conflict between Mr. Big and Michael, intending to show a transition from one level's setting to the next. Sadly, however, these cut-scenes do not reveal any additional plot details.

At the conclusion of the game, more of the story is revealed:

"Mr. Big's evil plot has been foiled with the destruction of his deadly doomsday weapon - the gigantic laser cannon. And with his massive fortress reduced to cinders, he is no longer a threat to mankind.

"But what of Michael?

"All that is known is that he was last seen soaring away from the crumbling enemy stronghold, heading toward the distant horizon.

"And the children that he saved?

"Well...

"They're smiling, because deep down in their hearts, they know that Michael will return one day to share with them another wondrous and magical adventure."

The foreshadowing here is uncanny. "another wondrous and magical adventure?" if by this the game's producers meant a number of protracted and highly visible court appearances defending himself against boy-touching charges, then we gotta give em props. they were truly Seers!

"Genesis Does! You-Can't-Do-This-With-Nintendon't!" If you remember the song from the Genesis pre-release commercial, congratulations, you're just as big of a nerd as i am.

i wrote a letter to Sega when i was ten, offering them a product idea that would revolutionize gaming: putting the game cartridges directly into the controller, so you didn't have to get up to change games.

they sent a courteous form letter back, thanking me for my input, letting me down easy, and giving me a free subscription to some video game magazine. i'm pretty tempted to write another letter demanding a remake of this 1990 gem. not sure how well it would work out in '07, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

2007-04-29

in the 90s optimistic as a teen... now it's terror, everything's crashed into towers, into towers.


fucking 90s. jesus. back when video games advertised new and improved sound effects right alongside "state of the art graphics." seems like only yesterday. those care-free afternoons at my friend kyle's spot (he had snes, i had genesis), perfecting every combo with a clergyman's diligence. no thoughts of booze or tail or drugs or sportsbikes or gear.

nope.

only throwing down some sonic booms with guile as his air force cronies cheered me on. but vega was my fave. yeah. the muchachas sweated vega. hard.

most people thought he was wack, a little too effeminate, but the way he fucked cats up in the cage with that claw proved he was no homo. plus those individuals obviously didn't understand the deification of bullfighters in their homelands. they're the shit.

honestly, i had completely forgotten about the part where you fuck up the dude's acura legend with your bare hands and feet for bonus cash so you can buy blow for chun li.

street fighter II turbo. raised a generation of boys, letting them know it's okay to kick a little ass every now and then. in fact, it's your duty.