yo yo trav hold up! yo yo. yo yo. yo. yo yo trav hold up!

"i been rappin for about seventeen years, ok? i don't write my rhymes anymore! i just kick it from my head. i can do that. no disrespect. that's just how i am."

here goes...

"innnnn west philadelphia born and raised,
on the playground is where i spend most of my days,
chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool,
all shootin some bball outside of the school,

when a coupla guys, they were up to no good,
started makin' trouble in my neighborhood,
we got in one little fight and my mom got scared,
she said 'you're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air,

i-pulled-up to a house about 7 or 8,
and i yelled to the cabbie, yo homes smell ya later,
looked at my kingdom i was finally there,
to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air."

you'd be surprised how many cats can spit this song from the top of their domes. i've been on a bus full of wastyfaced kids that, after i began singing it with some random chick, sang along without flaw.

television rules the nation.

and i love how Will's finger waving, fretting, bag lady of a mom in the intro to the show looks nothing like the actress that eventually played that character when she was introduced into the saga. i kinda would've preferred that they maintained the caricature. or how they replaced the Aunt Vivian character a few seasons in. we weren't supposed to pay it any attention. not necessarily unique to the show (pretty common actually), but still pretty funny.

what i loved even more were the serious episodes, or in '90s sitcom speak, the "special" episodes. Will getting shot during a hold-up, his vagrant dad re-entering his life.

you just couldn't get away with that in today's television.

it's called escapism for a reason.

johnny five! please stop sucking the ambassador's dick!?!

if i had a robot, i would name him francis or leslie or something, just so that bitch didn't forget who's boss. because once you give 'em any leeway, once they forget where they came from, that's when you get the problems.

you've seen "I, Robot" right?

no?

me neither.

it was just the first robot movie i could think of, despite the fact that i'm using a picture from the '80s robotnik classic "Short Circuit" for this post.

so the beginning of that last sentence was a lie.

it wasn't the first robot movie i could think of, and in actuality, i have the dvd of I, Robot. got it for christmas, the year i had to have surgery on my balls. maybe i'll tell you that story one day. and as for the Will Smith flick, i kinda liked it. had to turn my higher brain off while watching, but i liked it.

so yeah.

what do we get from this?

that my taste in movies is at times questionable? that i own the entire N*SYNC discography? that i have inordinately high blood pressure? that i love to wear man panties? you just can't beat the support, bottom line!

or, could it be argued, if only casually, that i can't be trusted? that you can't turn your back on me, not even for a second? just like those fucking robots. especially Johnny Five.

jew know-knows?

but what i jew know-know is that if you name your robot Johnny Fucking Five, don't come bitching to me about how he's all of a sudden self-aware and how we wants to go out to the club and "get laid" and how he wants to pick up mountain-boarding and other "action" sports and how he's taken to smoking "weed." i don't wanna fucken hear it. i warned you motherfucker. clean up your own mess.