Showing posts with label hip hop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hip hop. Show all posts

2007-06-15

all i wanna do is ooma zoom zoom zoom in your boom boom!


i'm going through a serious classic hip-hop phase these days, because quite frankly, contemporary shit just isn't getting the job done. it's just too bad that hip-hop is such a dynamic genre that its heroes and pioneers more often than not fall by the wayside, forced to manage your local car wash or laundromat, shunned by the art form they helped create. unless they get shot dead of course. then they don't seem to ever go away.

let it be known, that from this day forth, you shall play this song/video ("rumpshaker" by wreckx-n-effect) before any and all partying, as a pump up jam. trust me. you won't regret it.

2007-06-07

to the top or broke!


D-Block: "i think i'm gonna put a counter on my web joint to represent the number of days clean... but i'm gonna put a reset button on that shit... just in case."

and there's the rub.

when Hernando Cortes set sail for the "new world" in the 16th century, he had nearly 600 men in his employ. he assured them that boundless riches awaited them upon arrival, all but guaranteeing that their children's children's children would want for nothing. that's how paid these motherfuckers would be if they just got on their grizzly.

but you see, transatlantic voyages can be a real bitch. especially by sail.

growing increasingly wary of the dangers of foreign shores as the journey dragged on, by the time Cortes arrived in Mexico, the crew was mostly unwilling to press on. reassuring them that they would be Paid Like Wade if they went ahead with the conquering bidness, Cortes formed a holding pattern on the beach.

what's a young Conquistador to do?

in a show of true leadership (or manifest destiny-fueled delusion?), Cortes instructed his men to burn the boats. that's right. burn those motherfuckers. because when there's no way out...

Trap Or Die!

so needless to say, with the boats gone, these motherfuckers became absolutely ravenous. fucked the Aztecs in the ass. literally.

excuse the cultural insensitivity, but i think there's a rather positive lesson in this for all of us. because frankly, who doesn't have their own personal fleet that's holding them back, giving them an out, a route to failure. keeping them from getting that gold, from truly beasting out.

despair and dreariness are easy. short skirts and wet garbage bags really. Canadian -Shotgunning beers by the video poker machine, constantly putting their filthy fingers in your mouth. they call it flirting.

it's determination that's the bitch of the lot. she'll give you a fake phone number if you don't get your weight up. maybe even a drink to the face. not beer. i'm thinking something expensive and viscous. so the sting lingers. the cost of doing battle.

just do it.

2007-06-02

don't be so wiggity wiggity wiggity wack!


ahhhh! remember fucking Kris Kross? jesus. it's really something that these two kids, who could've been completely snubbed by the hip-hop community, were not only commercially successful but also tastemakers. remember the backwards clothes shit! i used to rock that steelo like somebody was paying me to do it.

what's even wilder is that i went to the same elementary school as these cats. well kinda sorta almost. Calvert School had this enormous home schooling department called HID, acronym-speak for the the Home Instruction Department. occupied the basement level of our enormous school building. world-renowned home schooling curriculum.

we took a field trip to the external headquarters one year, and were pretty pumped to hear that Kris Kross and (ready for this?) Michael-fucken-Jackson were part of this program. works out well for touring kid musicians. peep the ad in the back of National Geographic.

Kris Kross'll make ya, jump, jump!

2007-05-07

Happy New Year


part of the weekend never dies. i still feel like there's a bomb on the bus. what was it 55mph, 60mph? such an unreasonable demand. fuck you dennis hopper. you never lived up to the potential that easy rider made us believe you had. choke artist.

my parents only bought me edited rap albums when i was younger. to get profanity i either had to steal from metro music (the local hip hop record store) or hustle with that lawn mower for a few days. that grind made me a man though. "party crasher," "spazzola," and "play IV keeps" were the songs on this album that signalled my evolution from a severe punkass to a slightly less severe punkass.