welllll... i like sunsets, long walks on the beach, and shooting coke into my penis. makes me feel alive, ya know!?!

i'm growing quite lazy. but i feel like you ought to get to know me better before you use your mouth on me. it would make me feel better. i've been on pins and needles as of late. surely you can understand. i mean, the other day, i went to blow a line, and all i had was a mirror, and i hate using mirrors, for obvious reasons, but i went ahead and used it anyway.

so i came up, bill still in my nose, and there he was. grinning like a fiend, fucking staring up and out at me. only his eyes were gone. just pink coves where they should've been. completely missing. nothing to house his soul.

he's fucking trouble.

i mean it!

real trouble.

i want you to stay away from him ya hear?!

can't seem to shake him loose though. damn this photographic memoreee 'o mine!

sooo... for the sake of familiarity, here are some of my interests and favorite activities, as dictated by a certain social networking site i plan on removing myself from in the near future:

rickenbacker basses,
decapitation,
marcy homes,
quantum physics,
100 years,
thrift shops,
the electoral college,
sweaty wet/dirty damp,
dying before i'm 35 in a blaze of glory and gunfire,
burning myself with cigarettes for drug money,
the DEA,
formula one,
life sentences,
starting and purposely losing fights,
ketamine and other tranquilizers,
string theory,
LPs,
making people feel bad,
illmatic,
japanese cell phones,
bunson burners,
atom heart mother,
krav maga,
near death experiences,
used fender jaguars,
zaireeka,
the presets,
crashing '80s proms,
knife hand chops,
babies with 90 dollar shoes,
light years,
used bookstores,
climate change,
freaking out the squares,
teenagers,
clairvoyence,
alchemy,
mercantilism,
structural collapse,
shitheads,
john bonham,
fucking hairy asian pussy,
twilight zones,
making people look dumb,
lawsuits,
destroying social constructs,
four horsemen of 2012,
killing animals to make jackets out of,
snuff films,
phone booths,
jerking off,
vandalism,
lara flynn boyle,
my fucked up ipod,
pbs and npr,
easy rider,
all dinosaurs,
hollistic medicine,
reebok pumps,
closed hi-hats,
hokusai,
geothermal energy,
contradicting myself,
lasers,
teflon,
gulf coast recovery,
interpol's new album,
missing treble knobs,
capsized ships,
guy fawkes masks,
nigerian black paper scams,
one armed push-ups,
handgun hunting,
DARPA,
real club kids,
air traffic control,
new-rave,
go-karts,
the french touch scene,
dream teams,
chucks,
magic carpets,
jade jagger,
the rapture (both the band and the reckoning)
miles davis,
reckless driving,
dj battles,
videotaping sex without prior consent/permission,
The American Century,
eradicating dirty hippies,
Ableton Live 5,
glass jaws,
embezzlement,
diamond smuggling,
party monster,
the 1968 democratic convention,
atlantis to interzone,
chord charts,
digitalism,
jackie brown,
james brown,
caravaggio's murder charge,
sarkozy,
capitol hill,
christian hosoi,
drift racing,
abbie hoffman,
alienating people,
turbo lag,
the rolling stones,
bald chicks,
photoshop,
beat poets,
zeus,
boozing,
movies featuring talking animals,
anthropomorphism in general,
somnambulatory sexploits,
boy-cut panties,
motogp,
lifetime supplies,
nanotechnology,
delta blues,
dogfighting,
birds,
falsetto,
superman,
fingerfucking,
pinky up, pinky down,
any gibson sg,
the distant, distant future,
manipulating people,
circuit bending,
vulcanology,
no-film photography,
ducatis,
synchronicity,
pitch-bending,
biocomputers,
immortality,
small press publishers,
endangered species poaching/trading,
Guns & Ammo,
pretending i can skate,
the tornados,
actual tornados,
the x-men cartoon on fox,
interesting films made by boring people,
misanthropy,
dorm rooms,
ultra-marathons,
nike montreals,
novelty car horns,
the desert,
small breasts (A-cup aficionado),
"shit jokes but not shit stories,"
pre-oil embargo automobiles,
MicroKorg,
wamp wamp,
the hidden tree of life,
apple,
moon bounce rental,
Baltimore free book thing,
bars i can't get kicked out of,
skipping work,
bashing nerds,
calling 911, just to chat,
arpeggiators and vocoders,
people who fuck prostitutes,
the truth,
keef's tolerance,
aphrodisiacs,
the past,
tiny dogs,
hazing,
spell-check,
poorly maintained machine guns,
beat repeat and eq three,
illegal prescriptions,
jack nicholson,
warrantless misogyny,
your mother,
threatening people,
inconvenient truths,
hyperviolence,
epistemology,
nanofiction,
maritime cannibalism,
existentialism,
harp arpeggios,
hatemail and death threats,
sea changes,
norfolk, virginia,
haldol,
materialism...

now fuck off. get outta here! i'll finish on my own.

ya basta, ya basta, ya basta!

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"no kid ever grows up saying, 'i wanna be an X-Pensive Wino when i grow up.' except Kasai. he's said it on numerous occasions. crazy fuck."

"I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police." - Keef
no words are necessary here. i figure they'd just be superfluous. what can i say that hasn't already been said?

Hunter S. Thompson interviewing Keith Richards.

The Dying Christian.

my balls itch. nothing too intense, but still appreciable enough to cause concern. too bad this is america and i don't have insurance, and thus can't get it checked out by a balding, beady-eyed middle aged physician in a private room. oh well, hard and dirty living catches up to you every so often. i'm sure it's nothing right. right?!

well. nevermind. speaking of hard living, it seems that every few weeks or so, i'm presented with reminders of who the true beasts on this blue marble are, Keef of course standing atop Mt. Olympus, somewhere near the summit. I won't bore you with superfluous foolishness here (i.e. background, other anecdotes, etc.), but a parusing of google news presented a particular gem to me.

in an interview with UK music rag NME, the interviewer asked Keef what was the most intense thing he'd ever put up his nose.

giving the answer that only a true beast of this order could, he quickly replied that he snorted his dad once. back in '02. ol' Bert Richards kicked it, so Keef, honoring his old man's legacy, ground his ashes into some coke and ripped a few funerary hollywoods up his right nostril. asked what his dad would think of this behavior, he shot back that he wouldn't have given a shit. if only all our fathers could be so cool.

the guitarist also took some time during the article to shit on the libertines/arctic monkeys/bloc party (knowing that NME LOVES these bands), claiming that they're derivative "poser rubbish." whatev. i'm a huge fan of those three groups, but who fucking cares dude. this is keef. besides, the rolling stones (et al.) were entirely original when they stepped onto the scene four decades ago, right? originality is dead anyway, has been for a long time. but i have to admit that Keef shitting on the new breed is far more tolerable/justified than that faggot morrissey doing it. or even pete townshend for that matter (he referred to the blokes of arctic monkeys as 12-year old wankers haha).

regardless of the hateration on the young bucks, it doesn't get much better than this. it really doesn't. in Keef we trust.