God Bless Melbourne!

what a fucking beast.

and what a fucking bitch (I'm sure she'll make a loving, infertile wife and make some banker really happy someday). not very australian of her. I'm inclined to think she might be a Britisher.

only a matter of months now before this kid is booking Modular parties and fucking Kate Moss.

parents just don't understand.

p.s. i update this thing when i fucking feel like it. cuz when you're down with the tray-five ghostbusters clique, you do what it is that you do when you do it.


Tweak That Geek!

I've always been one for original content, but Jesus. From Rotten.com (my first visit in literally seven years; just as horrifying as always)...

"From Prairie View Prevention Services, Inc. in association with MAPP, the Meth Awareness and Prevention Project, a small instructional flyer on how to handle tweakers:

"If you notice that someone is tweaking, be careful how you handle the situation. Keep in mind these six safety tips for approaching a tweaker:

1. Keep your distance. Coming too close can be perceived as threatening.

2. No bright lights. The tweaker is paranoid and bright lights may cause them to react violently.

3. Slow your speech, lower your voice.

4. Slow your movements. The tweaker is paranoid and may misunderstand your movements.

5. Keep your hands visible, or they may feel threatened and become violent.

6. Keep the tweaker talking. A tweaker who falls silent can be extremely dangerous. Silence often means that his paranoid thoughts have taken over reality, and anyone present can become part of the tweaker's paranoid delusions."

"Meth is the shortest word in the English language one can lisp while drunk and underage at a gay bar".

"Their entire lives revolve around this. There's nothing but Gatorade in the refrigerator and candy all over the house. I saw a guy freak out, just yelling on his bed". - Graphic designer Chad Upham to D.C. MetroWeekly


That Pandemic! That Plymouth Rock! TM

I remember when "they" started making ("urban") public school kids wear clear backpacks so that security and law enforcement stooges could see what the kind of heat/drugs/stabbing weapons the little nappy-headed tikes were packing. Even more hilarious is that it was just then that the Columbine jump-off, well, jumped off and school shootings at "suburban" places of learning became en vogue. Natch.

The Jake Gyllenhaal film Bubble Boy reminded me of all this madness, because you see, once he's broken out of his medical-grade-plastic tomb and strikes out in his personal isolation sphere to track down the woman that he loves, he has this thing called the decontamination chamber on the side of his bubble that is, in actuality, one of the clear backpacks I was on about sentences before.

Synchronicity. Pachinko Tiffany.

As I sit, broken stem in hand, about to tumble headlong off the precipice of that Plymouth Rock, I'm reminded of a hate crime recorded in the exurban neo-yuppie fuckpit that is Howard County, Maryland:

"Jews Rule"
"Go Jews"
"Swastikas with Xs through them"

Not sure of the exact details, but who gives a fuck.

A bit of pro-Semitism for a change. And from the looks of him, the victim's Jewish. How can I tell? Let's just say I have some experience in the field. Wink-Tink.

Man I wanna fucking join a cult. Like yesterday. Get some of that brainwashed trim before it drops dead in a bright blue Nike jumpsuit.