well...
you-think-you-can-help-me-probably-not!
you-think-you-can-help-me-probably-not!
you-think-you-can-help-me-probably-not!
p.s. can't stop, won't stop with the unicorns nacas!
i know there's been a lot of drug-related foolishness going on around here as of late. now that doesn't mean that we're a bunch of junkies (?). nor does it mean that we're neglecting unicorn week. it simply means that we've long acknowledged the drug culture that is America. of course i'm not just talking weed leaf tattoos and cheech and chong or crackhead imagery in the urban northeast. i'm talking about trying to watch the mainstream, network evening news and being bombarded by a bevy of bodacious babes and hardbodied hunks telling me how much i need this new wunderdrug that lowers bad cholesterol and makes my wang thicker, with only mild side effects. heart failure and liver problems are well worth the trouble if it means i can add to my girth. girth's more important than length anyway, as the most sensitive nerve endings in the vagina are densely packed in the first few inches. the more you know!
i digress.
fucken ay. it's become painfully aware that the television has become some sort of horrible, won't take no for an answer apothecary. thank god for the interweb. i'm not sure of the year, but someone gave the greenlight to direct marketing some time back and it was a free for all from there on out.
the message: fuck off pharms. most of us don't want/need your dope.
and briefly on the above youtube clip. i mean, what's there to be said that can't be gleaned from watching it. a bit of background. this is some afterschool special/health class video starring helen hunt in her pre-oscar years as a misguided young lady strung out on pcp, raging about like banshee. enjoi.
someone's taking national unicorn week a bit too seriously. but honestly, this unicorn doesn't even have a horn. and how would a wizard ride it? it's so small i mean. i don't know.
ps. the search that landed me upon this gem was "christ on a unicorn," as i am looking for a picture of god's only child atop a unicorn. please help.
peep these G'd up unis. combining two of the best things in the whole entire universe: unicorns and transformers. genius. autobots, roll out!
"leaving coke under your nose is the new leaving the tag on your baseball cap!"
fucken priceless. if only i had come up with it.
ps. it's national unicorn week here at the savant, so expect lots of pics of unicorns for the next few days, even if they have no bearing to the corresponding post. what can we say? we love unicorns motherfucker! N.U.C. might extend into national unicorn month, or year, or whatever period of time we deem adequate to pay homage to this most majestic of earth's endangered species.
if you have any thoughts or anecdotes or websites about unicorns and unicorn-related things that you'd like to share, please do comment below. thank you.
two nights in a row. what they'd call a recurring dream maybe? whatever its label, i'm thoroughly haunted. yet, last night's version was a bit less edgy.
the deal is as follows: there's kasai, watching the night's news broadcast, we see that the coalition forces are being handily defeated in the streets of baghdad. i mean real-time, super nintendo type shit; the poor bastards are disappearing onscreen like so many super mario goombas.
so, seeing this, my friends and family tell me that i have to ship off and suit up for war.
despite my protest, i'm put on the next bus for fort meade or wherever.
of course, this isn't a dream for so many out there, but as far as i'm concerned, having to go over there is abreast of going to prison and committing murder. three things that are absolute bad news and that i hope never come to pass. so needless to say, this dream shook me up upon sunrise.
now everyone knows that reading/hearing about someone else's dream has the tendency to bore you to tears (except in the case of an artist like michel gondry's vivid films and music vids).
but it's last night's sequel that makes the trip worth the price of admission. because i mean come on, everybody loves unicorns, right?
now in the first chapter, i woke up before i got to iraq, so i was spared that portion of the nightmare. in the second ride, however, i actually did get to the desert, riding atop a glistening unicorn named duke, not unlike Bellerophon atop his trusty steed Pegasus.
arctic mane glistening in the noon sun, chaos all around, yet both ride and rider remain calm in the face of VBIEDs and tanks shrieking and dead kids and body parts and blast walls and such. delivering all from the shitshow that is Iraq.
really triumphant stuff.
further examination shows that the unicorn's presence can be attributed to a rather simple chain of events. attempting to fall asleep, i began to reminisce, to think of wild and dangerous days. particularly, i began to reflect on those raucous sunday nights that one spring, poisoning ourselves with roxies and booze as we eagerly awaited TimeMachine and Dollar Bill's radio show "Wizards and Unicorns: A listener's guide to Dungeons and Dragons" on 88.1 WMUC.
Yessir, good times those, the hosts beasting out with us beforehand, then retreating to their broadcast post to disseminate the gospel of D+D, all the while spinning everything from Mighty Mighty Bosstones' "Knock on Wood" to Broken Social Scene's "I'm Still Your Fag," the latter being edited during play of course. really good stuff.
on account of the dxm trouble (see earlier post: "What More Can I Say?"), the thought of unicorns prancing about meadows, obeying their wizard riders, triggered somewhat blurred closed eye visuals. that's right, months after the fact, i'm still tripping. that's why i try not to think of horrible things like abortions and date rape and the holocaust when i'm trying to fall asleep. difficult though, as i watch a lot of R-rated movies and black metal music videos. and snuff films. sometimes, the fun never ends.
the lesson, because there always is one: don't do drugs or whatever, unless you've got something to hide. then by all means, do as many as you can get your hands on, at all times.
