Fan Mail, Phun Mail, Can You Feel The Coke Hail?!?!

What hath these Lions wrought?

From the desk of "Hinge", chief proprietor of Asbury Park, New Jersey's 'The Saint.'

To Brooklyn rock band Lion On Oil,

"I'll be honest.
You guys suck completely.
One of the worst bands i've ever seen.
You probably shouldn't announce that you are from Brooklyn because you just don't represent Brooklyn very well.

"It's really not fun or funny watching a bunch of incredibly wasted guys barely make it through a set. You are un-professional, and have no idea how to behave in a club.

"Do yourselves a favor and get your singer and guitarist to rehab. And please, don't contact The Saint for any future gigs. We won't have you at our club ever again.

(and as it pertains to social networking site MySpace...)

"Why would you guys want to be my friend? I will say this... I think you have some really good songs, but, the way you behaved at the Saint last week was very very sad.

"Believe it or not, i've been in the music biz for 30 years. I've toured the world both as a guitarist and a sound man, so I think I have a pretty good perspective on things.
Seeing you guys incredibly wasted and hardly able to play pissed me and the rest of our employees off, and made us never want to have you at our club again.

"To me, it's a huge waste of time to have a band come out and pretty much waste our time and make a mockery of what we do. It was unprofessional and quite frankly sad.

"With songs like yours, you could probably have success, but you'll never get anywhere until you get your drinking and drug problems under control."

lovingly concerned,

thanks Dad. sorry they're not the "hardcore" faggotry you're used to. haha.

Lion On Oil, huh? sounds like just the kinda band i need to get myself involved with. fortunately, i am. planning to move in with these fucks in about a week and a half that is.

you know, they said the same kinda shit about Captain and Tenille in their nascent years. so...

visit these "Brooklynite" fucks at their MySpace page.

and why not give Hinge a holler as well. and yes, that is the GEICO caveman as his profile pic.

and how perfect it is that the pic at the top is from their performance at The Saint. jesus.

No comments: