Angels With Even Filthier Souls.

Home Alone. A definitive film in our time. All the shit that happened to those sorry bastards was so fucking funny back in the day, but looking back, there isn't anything hilarious about a man being shot in the balls by a kid with a BB gun, especially considering that he also steps on a nail, has an iron dropped on his face, and gets his scalp burned off by a blowtorch. MERRRRY CHRISTMAS you mutts!



Courtesy of the Wikipedia entry for Home Alone

Harry (Joe Pesci):

Gets shot in the crotch by Kevin with Buzz's BB air rifle in the back door.

Slips on the icy front door steps twice.

Burns his right hand on the red-hot front doorknob heated by an electric charcoal starter heating element, leaving an M-shaped brand on his palm (the knob was presumably monogrammed for the McCallisters), that is seen in the next movie.

Sets his head on fire by a blow-torch activated by a string tied to the back door, ripping his hat open and burning his scalp.

Runs into a piece of plastic wrap coated with glue/caulk, then gets blasted with feathers blown from a large fan; effectively being tarred and feathered.

Gets tripped by a string stretched across the upstairs hallway.

Gets hit in the stomach by Marv with a crowbar when the latter was trying to kill Axl, Buzz’s tarantula.




Marv (Daniel Stern):

Gets shot in the forehead by Kevin with Buzz's BB air rifle in the back door of Kevins house.

Slips on the icy stairs leading to basement door.

Gets hit in the face by an iron falling down the laundry chute while trying to turn on a light.

After losing his socks and shoes, he attempts to climb a staircase covered in tarmac, about halfway he stands in a nail. Which goes into his foot, shouting in pain; he falls backwards landing on his back.

Slips on the icy basement stairs again while leaving the basement.

Steps on glass Christmas ornaments while trying to sneak in through a window, hurting his feet.

Kevin places Axl (Buzz’s tarantula) on his head which, although not seriously hurting him, scares him silly.

Gets hit in the left arm three times by Harry with his crowbar after failing to kill Axl.




Both

Slip on Micro Machines toy cars laid by Kevin in the main entrance.

Get hit in the face with 2 paint cans, sending them backwards into the main entrance floor (Harry loses his gold tooth in the process, which infuriates him).

While the two are trying to get to the tree house using a zip line connecting the tree house with the main house, Kevin cuts the rope causing them to swing into a brick wall and fall on the ground (Harry gets a black eye in the process).

Get knocked out by Marley with a snow shovel in the Murphy's house.