Real Compared To What?

Panties for men
Match.com
Pussy tattoo
Dust and Peyote, but not in that order
The Maytag Man's illegitimate black son
Flatbed trucks carrying other flatbed trucks
Monster truck video games (in 2007)
Dreaming that Pervez Musharraf was dead
Lindsay Lohan's head on Eminem's body
1991 BMW (E30) M3
The 201 area code
The Coked-Up Werewolf
God damn skylight!
Being referred to as Miranda Richardson on some blog
Trying to steal my own identity
Glock 19L
Spanx
"This is the game of LIFE!"
Point Break, thrice in one day
Cranberry shortage
Euros under my tire
Eddie Harris
Talk of the Nation
Noodles
"I want that inside me!"
Jim Palmer rookie cards
19-year-old twat
Holland Tunnel's "suicide squad"
MLK Jr.'s funeral
Filial disappointment
Midgets drowning on inflatable rafts
Yu-Gi-Oh
Sobbing mother
Baltimore Street
Phantom 20s
19th Pregnancy Scare
Lifetime (bans)
The Scourge
CYN
"One Day The Children Came"
Flight Simulator X
Coke-covered MetroCard
Pissed Jeans
Live Free or Die
Logitech
Flashers
Peter Jackson
"Because Heart Care Can't Wait"

This is the nightmare. Lived every day, all day, 1/30th of second slower than it actually jumps off. Melding a somnambulist's fuckwittery with a Reaver's perpetual anguish. We'll drink to that. Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again. And Again.