i will pick you apart with electronic eyes.

what is it about destruction that seems so appealing to humans. mike skinner himself declared that:

"Right now logic states I need to be not contemplating suicide.
With rational thought, it would seem that i need not to be doing stuff
That makes death seem like an easier option."

for the uninitiated, mr. skinner is referring to the horrific and disheartening sensation of the post-drug binge crash, a feeling you'd dedicated yourself to avoiding. yet you still succumb to the dark, annihilating gloom of it, with alarming frequency. many of my readers can readily identify.

nonetheless, seems like we all need a totally trojan plan right now, whether our personal Greeks be substance abuse or landing that promotion or figuring out how to treat your sick kid without insurance.

thus, we're all more or less obssessed with the future. i'm no exception.

it's only natural to live outside of now, and as ken kesey pointed out, even the concept of "now" is a bunch of bullshit, what with the 30ms lag between an actual event and sensory perception. so, the best that the level-headed among us can hope for is a slightly fermented notion of now. it doesn't mean that all is lost, just that the whole "live in the moment" maxim must be reexamined.

of course, those of you that know me, and even some of you who may not, know damn well that all of this comes right back to the repetition of a destructive choice. obviously.

but fortunately for me, and for those in my immediate vicinity, i yet again come out of this one unscathed.
vive le cirque!

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